How To Eat The World

Step 1:
Wash your hands.
This will ensure that you will not get yourself sick,
the world is a disgusting place,
full of bacteria and viruses and washing hands
WITH SOAP is vital
it is a given step in any course of events
that involves feeding yourself
[or food handling in general]

Step 2:
Take a step back.
You must realize now,
what you are about to do cannot be undone,
digestion is a chemical process with color change
gaseous discharge,
heat exchange,

Take another step back
continue to repeat this step until
you are far enough away from your desired goal.

Step 3:
Open Jaw.
Professionals have estimated that your projected meal
weighs approximately 5.972 x 10^24Kg
the most popular approach theorized has been to
treat it as an excessively large jaw breaker
fitting the whole thing in your cheek
allowing the oceans to mix with your saliva,
slowly the mountains will dissolve
the cities will mesh into the center and melt into a chewy mess
a delicious crunching finish of concrete and steel
as you are left to float on among the stars.

Other theorists have claimed that the best way to
approach this goal is to think of everything as separate,
the ground, the main course,
the poles, a chilled dessert,
each ocean, another refill to wash it all down

This is, of course, not one of those elephant moments
not a “one bite at a time” sort of thing
this must be taken in a matter of hours if it is to be done,
lord knows that the creatures living on the earth would be
slightly upset if they were to find out about their own death
with enough time to retaliate,

Step 4:
Once you have filled your stomach with all that you can,
whether everything is gone or not,
run as fast as you can.
Like a storm of ants they will come for you
pincers out and legs sweeping the dark space devoid of molecules,
they will come with all of the poison that they have,
for no one likes to lose everything.


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