“I want to do this forever”

Q: If you could start by describing yourself for me, physically and emotionally.

A: I am short, I’m like 5’5” I have dark hair and dark eyes and emotionally I like to think of myself as mature and stable. I think some people in my life would agree with that, I think some people would disagree. I’m definitely a happy person, I’m definitely exuberant and passionate and I don’t like being upset and so I try not to be and… yeah.

Q: What’s your earliest memory?

A: Earliest memory, what is my earliest memory. I come from a family/ I’m the fifth of six kids and so there are a lot of things that I don’t remember but I have images in my head because I have stories that are told about them, so sorry I was just kind of trying to dig through all of the images that aren’t really memories down to actual memory.

ooh I’m going further back…

It would have been at the house I was born in and we moved from that house when I was about five and, actually I have a few memories of that house. One of the most distinct ones is when I split my head open, I was sitting backward on a couch and then all of a sudden my head was down on the wooden ottoman that we had, I had split the back of my head open. I remember my dad picking me up and running me over to the sink and turning on the hot water and trying to wash the blood away. I remember I was wearing a sweatshirt, some certain specific sweatshirt that I really loved and I was so upset because I didn’t want to get blood on it. My dad was like, “THAT DOESN’T MATTER!”

A babysitter was just leaving, my dad had just gotten home, I don’t know where my mom was or my little brother, but the baby sitter had been watching me and as she was leaving I turned around on the couch and I had been talking to her as she was standing by the door. She was with us in the bathroom like, “WHAT DO I DO? AAH!” Yeah I think that’s my earliest memory.

Q: How old were you at that point?

A: Four. Yeah.

Q: So just right before you moved. What’s one thing you’ve done in your life that you’re proud of having done?

A: Luckily there’s a few things in that category. I’m proud of getting creative work published, that’s probably the thing I’m most proud of myself for. I’m proud of myself for finishing my masters. Um, and for teaching, because teaching is hard and emotionally exhausting.

Q: Did you always think that you were going to be a teacher?

A: No, not at all. I wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid for a few years, because I really liked my teachers and I really sort of respected what they did and I liked school, I thought it was cool. But then I got a little bit older and I think that my peers attitudes toward school and teachers sort of effected me and sort of convinced me that I didn’t want to be a teacher. I’m not positive if that’s what it was but I think it had something to do with it, because I still held high regard for my teachers, but somewhere along the line I changed my mind and I think part of it was the respect I saw my peers giving my teachers, or the lack of it, and I went “Oh, I do not want to be treated like that.” and then I finished my masters program and my last semester one of my professors said, “what are you gonna do?” and I said, “I dunno get a restaurant job?” and she said, “You should teach, I think you’d be really good at it. and you’d like it. and I was like, “[groaning noise] I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know.” and she said, “look, just do one semester, just try one semester.”

And I got hired into the department before I even graduated because I was in the department and she knew my work really well. So she had me in front of a class before I’d even finished my degree and we were like “alright one semester.” and then I taught that one semester and I said, “Ok this is what I want to keep doing, I want to do this forever.”

So I thought I wouldn’t be a teacher for like fifteen years and then it flipped around on me and I became a teacher.

Q: Ok, going kind of a different direction, what does hate look like to you?

A: Hate is red and inky black. Hate is angry eyes. When you said it an image popped into my head and I’m just trying to describe that image. Yeah. Angry eyes, Angry bloodshot eyes. Red and black, like glaring.

Q: What about love?

A: Mmmm love is soft. Love is like, whites and blues and reds. Not patriotically, but like soft blues and really soft off whites. It’s like soft and round. It also looks like my husband, but in a different way, sort of two different permutations, but totally looks like my husband. I see him all around. Him and colors and shapes.

Q: If you could say one thing anonymously to a large group of people what would you say?

A: Shut up and love each other. That’s about what I want to tell people most of the time. Just shut the fuck up, get over the petty shit and just love each other. That sounds a little cheesy but just like get over the bullshit… yeah.