The cavemen of ancient Mesopotamia were slow to learn that sparking a flame took several hundred strikes of flint to steel in order to create a spark warm enough to catch aflame.
Nowadays, we expect one single rightward swipe of the finger to be the strike that sets our entire love life ablaze.
The truth is, it’s a mess of faces in that tiny little screen that we’re tapping away at, too many men and women all craving for that guy or girl to say yes with a rightward swipe of their thumb.
If you find yourself to be one of these people, feeling lost in the dredges of the ONLY phone application created in history that could ever help you fight the awkwardness of actually speaking to someone, don’t worry.
Chances are that person probably just wants to fuck you.
See, it’s like this, here it is, the harsh truth of our generation that no one seems to pay much attention to:
Every touch screen that takes up a decent percentage of our sight in our daily lives is really just a way that we can show off our inner slut. No really… I know it may seem so surprising to any previous generations but this current group of blossoming adults just wants to breed with reckless abandon.
For example, if you look at the profile of BudMaster420, you can see in his “about me” section that he has many productive, or should I say re-productive hobbies, such as:
– Getting Mad Head
– Eating the Pussy like it’s The Last Supper
– Smoking that dank kush. Peace sign. Winking emoji.
Or if we gaze Tinderly, I mean tenderly, at the other end of the spectrum into the creative profile of SugarBaby22 we can see that there are those who do take time to express their need for human connection in words. She says:
– I’m only on here because I hate you. heart emoji. winking emoji.
These are only two classic examples of the joys of in-app dating and I and the rest of my colleagues here at Christian Mingle would like to take this time to remind you that we are still accepting applications regardless of religious status.
Thank you for your time.